As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How naked do you want me to be?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
