Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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