by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
