I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
