hotel room ftw
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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