They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
