take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
