There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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