All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
