fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
