i need an iv and a liver transplant
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
