You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
