things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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