I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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