I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
