I love black thongs
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
