when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
