But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
