im six kinds of drunk right now
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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