So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
