I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
