When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
