Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
