my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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