I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just pee around me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
