I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
