Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
