I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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