Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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