For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
