Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
