I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
