I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
