we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
