Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
