shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
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