I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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