Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
soo... how was my night?
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