Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
