Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
