I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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