I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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