Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
