I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
