after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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