considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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