I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
