i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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