I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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