Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
