we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
