So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
