the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
