I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
